It’s actually Sunday as I write this. You see, my birthday is Monday this year and I always treat it like a holiday. This year is no different. I will continue to do nothing strenuous as long as I can on my birthday. Since I am accountable to be nowhere in particular, I have that luxury.
I will be drinking prosecco and eating cherry poptarts for breakfast. I heard it once in Anna Kendrick’s book, Scrappy Little Nobody. (I really enjoyed the Audible version – since I don’t really have the time to read anymore.) I taste tested the idea in my head, and decided it would be delicious. I will let you know on Wednesday if I was right or wrong.
Last year, I was pregnant – but barely. I was still in my first trimester and I was miserable. We announced early that I was pregnant to friends and co-workers, because they threw me a birthday party and too many people caught on that I was using ginger ale in my cups instead of beer. I enjoyed my birthday, but not quite in the way I was used to. The bundle inside me made it more of a cautious enjoyment. I had never made it past the first trimester, and I had learned I couldn’t really celebrate my pregnancy. It was hard to listen to people be excited that I was pregnant when I wasn’t sure if I would stay that way.
This year, I have the glorious little bundle that made me so nauseated for my previous birthday, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m celebrating double this year, because even though motherhood has definitely had its tougher moments, I am a happier, calmer, and overall better person having had my son. I have a lot to celebrate, in my opinion. Even though it’s my birthday, and I love the attention, all of my best moments this year have completely surrounded someone else – the little boy that I dared to hope for as a birthday gift last year.
I have changed a lot over the last year, and I like to take a minute to reflect on how far I’ve come on my birthday. I focus on what I have. Most people ask “What do you want for your birthday?” But I like to ask myself “What do you have?” Then I ask myself “What makes me unhappy, and what can I let go of?” Finally I ask myself, “Where does my happiness come from?”
This year, I have a loving husband and a stable marriage, despite my anxiety and depression struggles. I have an amazing partner and best friend – he is supportive of me, my hobbies, and my ongoing journey to better myself physically and mentally. I have a beautiful baby boy. I have the luxury of staying home to spend time with my son and care for him myself.
I am unhappy with some things in my life – my size, my schedule, and my current mental health state – but ultimately, I try to let go of those feelings. I actively work to change those things and make them something I can be happy with. I allow myself to let go of my negative self-images. It doesn’t help me become better to view myself in a negative way.
For the first time in my life, my happiness doesn’t come from “other” sources. I don’t rely on someone else to create my happiness, I find it in the things I already have, and in living my life the way I want to.
I hope everyone else is having a great Monday.
– Monster Mama